First Post here, give me some feedback

A true warrior's story's, about all guts and no glory
you'd be nuts to ignore me, i'll leave you cut without warning
i can't afford to be mourning, or get torn up in the morning
cause you're getting what you deserve, and that's the moral of the story
i'm at war with my fury, and you're right to be worried
cause it's the fight that lured me, and i like to play dirty
it's pure immaturity, if you think you can learn from me
cause at the turn of a switch i go from nuture to murder spree
i had a surge of emergency, an emergence of urgency
thats why i'm working so earnestly, making sure that you heard of me
and you're sure to be worried once you get word that i'm working
you should be searchin in your curtains to make certain i aint lurking
i know its hurtin you to see a perfect version of a person
so emersed into his work that it boarders on perversion
but my story's a deversion for our more glorious excursions
with hoards of hoars and teenage virgins, hardcore porn and beastly worship

dat actually was aiight my dude...no lie...liked da word play...da only thing wrong i'ma say 4 constructive critisim...is i feel it was kinda all over da place far as da da point...like u start it off:

A true warrior's story's, about all guts and no glory

i'm expect~n 2 see like a story...and den u jus kinda bounce around more or less say~n what'll hap if u don't listen...den u talked about urself n all dat...and it seemed like u tried more or less 2 jus say alot of nice lines...but nuff~n dat really webbed back 2 da main topic......lol...da word play was nice tho...

i figured if u wrote it den u were look~n 4 feed back...so all n all it was good...jus gotta stick more 2 ur topic ya kno...


keep it up and stay work~n brotha


ghostttt

damn.... ''you should be searchin in your curtains to make certain i aint lurkin'' that was fuckin tight and i dont even mean to try and get in here on some hop on anybodies dick shit because i dont do that shit but damn that was tight

man that was nice to the first verse line lie and made bitches cry chronic ebonic put more bitches in tears and paper than hydro phonix,,, ebonical rhymes rhthmic and chant pants off withbitches in come hither stance bend over rover soldier shot dropped wads and an angel said bye god....... devilish studder sonnets phuck made her up chuck bulemic ebonics... spewin lines that made heads turn burn on more level dischevel evil regal kings make illegal lines churn smooth..... butter whipped crip blood sipped vamped and reversed funkin true bloods don't need shocks to rock up their hearse.... pimped with slasher films on VHS<, and bitches with no chest and a lack of bullet proof vests...... my curtains and my house is clean i trimmed the fat you can call my ennuendos SIZZLE LEAN..... you can call my PO and write my PO box and you don't like my lyrics you can suck my F#@Kin COCK...