written rap

as i go in flowin like the wind blowin droppin bombs/up a hundred to zip in the fourth pour it on/ dont trip i'll flip you'll drip barrel drawn/ make a log i'm a dog/ straight shittin on ya lawn/you say no brown spots for u dog/oh well howdy hoo howdy doo how ya do/da blamma' turn u clam niggas in to chowder soup/riding low in the coupe no roof/divorced/ mobbin for the alamony never phony of course/so never force the issue/keep cleanex and ya tissue/aint nobody gon'miss you/ when i body you with the lines/leave you cryin' like a bitch do/and you know im a patient/pullin proper placed pen made flows out da looney bin hoe/

Hmm, interesting lines you're spittin at the time
Yea, you got some lyricism, and got some rhyme
Guess my only advice is to have some reason
Keep an idea, focus, and it'll be more appealin'
Just cause a word rhymes, don't try to use force
When you write rap or poetry, flow should not be coerced
Nor rehearsed, or reversed
But keep it flowin steady, never come worse to worse
But again, I do leave you a compliment on your try
Read some stuff on here, and learn how to be fly


...Basically, it was a good read and some of your lines made some solid sense, but I kind of felt like I was losin your power, which might be cause of the jumpin around of topics... just read up on some stuff on here or other sites and you'll start finding your own style and what works for you...

Thanks for the feed back...your not too bad ur self how long u been writing.