First one, tell me how it sounds ( New Freestyler)

Yo, get your brain relaxin/
Here comes an insane reaction/
Like a girl with a baby a pained contraction/
Stuck inside a lame contraption/
Im the man in action/
A plan inside a man with no attraction/
Of any sort necessary/
You got a switch blade I got many/
So what your life is worth/
Be a sport and maybe make two pennies/
I dont need opinions/
I got my life, everythings my own decision/
I got an incision with a scapal heres my sick envision of a mission/
Destroy you lyrically/
Cause this is just a joke, dont take it seriously/
Play russian roulette deploy it manually/
Eat your flesh til your death inject with hyperdermic needle IV/
I can say what I want at any given time/
I can rape any taunt at any minute with any line/
This is why RaiN MaN is still alive

Considering you're new it's only fair that I deliver
Fair criticism and support for you to consider
Whether you like it or not, a cold shoulder won't make me shiver
But I'll say what I mean -- read it if you're not a quitter..

You've got basic rhymes, which is a nice foundation
But like an adventurer, you need a destination
Be creative, past mundane, obtain my fascination
A true skill you should acquire to be a freestyler worth appreciation
Your rhyme scheme needs some structure, although too much is flaw
You gave straight up thoughts, but it came across a little raw
Refine what you're saying, focus on one topic
And go with it through out, take the key and lock it
But your freestylin is adequate and I'll give you some praise
You had a few ideas in that piece that leave questions to raise
When you find somethin that makes you passionate, you can write on it for days
Let that passion flow through each line, and you'll keep your audience dazed...

Basically, you did very well with keeping a stready beat, but it would be even better if you sat down and picked just one or two things to focus on and develop. It's only your first point, so I'll be readin up on more of your stuff in the future and I'm sure it'll get better over time. Read up and do what you gotta do...

peaceeee

some topics on my mind-~

ieds

concealed by the desert in the middle of the night
i strike like a snake in the heat of the fight
burried awaiting casulaties in the street isn't right

planted by those who live by a code and chose to opose
who call all the hands with no clue when to fold
patiently awaiting pressure thats used to expose
my fire the darkest secrets embedded in my soul

specific characteristics defining me
shape, size, appearance and of course you eyeing me
calling eod teams in defying me
dismantled by children of mothers crying please
make it home safe the restless nights untill seeing my face
this evil solely constructed with only 1 purpose
created by the asian satanic magical churches
the devil assisted himself ive witnessed the worst bitch
wish this on no one solely prooving my purpose
life isn't guarenteed but death is.... you nervous?

being empty and cold is the equivalent of having your fucking soul traped
like praying to the skies as the earth goes flat
or cutting off your dick hoping it groes back
dont anger yourself wortless the rich chose that.
floating in mid air with nobody there evil all around you and nobody cares
the complete take over of ones personal will power
evil dominating the mind while u shreak and u cowar..

hit me up with opinions please thank you

Oh yo jihad I respect watchya doin over in baghdad and all but awhiteboy lyk u got no bizness in da rappin bizness...no offence

This was nice, TC