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Freestyle Rap

Rap Battles and Freestyle Raps

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    Feast day of St. Barbara

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    Patroxdajernt
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    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2009-09-02

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    Post by Patroxdajernt Wed Sep 02, 2009 2:09 pm

    Uneducated intellectuals/
    Goin' thru hell to find theirselves/
    And only God and the devil knows/
    His mental woes/
    As he struggles/ to piece the puzzle/
    He so needs/like shelter and clothes/
    And air to breath/ and food to eat/
    No one will ever know/
    The scrutiny/ he places on his every move/
    To analyze 'til he dissatisfied/
    With time spent after emptying of the womb/
    Left trembling in his shoes/
    Knowing eventually/ he'll be another memory to lose/
    And it better be soon!
    His dark half/ barks back/
    Reminding him that he's apart of the chard batch/
    And all the cards are in his hands/
    'Cause he knows all your hideous secrets/
    An element oblivious/ to acheivment/
    That no modern day medicine/ or good intention sentiments/
    Can relinquish/
    To it....satan is kid/
    Still Playing make believe in his crib/
    Livin' in the tenaments/
    The alpha and omega was concieved in/
    What do you believe in?
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    SpitItReal27
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    Posts : 76
    Join date : 2009-05-28

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    Post by SpitItReal27 Wed Sep 02, 2009 3:16 pm

    "His dark half/ barks back/
    Reminding him that he's apart of the chard batch/"

    ^^ Just lettin you know, I loved those llines... had so much power and voice in them


    Tis’ true that religion holds so many parts
    Through which we conceive it, either emotion, reason, or arts
    Is it Angelo’s angels on a ceiling that leave us believing
    Or the cherished stone angels, in the plaza, never breathing
    Do we find ourselves reading, pleading with the scriptures and His word
    Are we content to listen to what cannot be heard
    Ah, religion you show such variance and flow
    To confide in your teachings, to have that sense of “know”
    Preach to the high heavens of your grandeur and greatness
    Void of all blasphemy, minus the fakeness
    So take this
    As retribution for our sins
    I come to you in written word
    Where your truth begins…
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    syn11237
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    Posts : 68
    Join date : 2009-07-27
    Age : 33
    Location : Bridgeport, Connecticut

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    Post by syn11237 Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:46 am

    that was some good stuff i have to sat patrox kinda make me consider going into the written lyricism too and spit it real yeh i know we've had about like 2 bouts but i like youre poetry too ive actually been checkin out your stuff i did read your last post too it was pretty good hope we can chat about poetry and shit
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    SpitItReal27
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    Posts : 76
    Join date : 2009-05-28

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    Post by SpitItReal27 Thu Sep 03, 2009 1:55 pm

    Yea, it would be hot to see more people on the written lyricism scene... letting some stuff flow poetically is chill too --- glad you like that drop there, and I know we've had our fallin outs, but no hard feelings, right? Just good old spittin and all that jazz..

    I'm surprised you read my other stuff, but it's greatly appreciated --- leave some feedback on it too if you think it needs some uppin or elevatin, but no doubt, thanks for noticing it.
    biggs907
    biggs907
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    Posts : 17
    Join date : 2009-07-22
    Age : 34
    Location : Anchorage,AK

    Feast day of St. Barbara Empty kinda personal....but give me some feed back

    Post by biggs907 Tue Sep 08, 2009 9:08 pm

    i know for a fact there is a god/ untill i find the words for him and mom i'll give'em both a nod/and i know it seems kinda odd/but understand the circumstance man i shouldn't be alive/but imagine how she felt inside/as the doc explained/for him to rid the pain/your kid would most certainly DIE/that pill gets hard to swallow/when you aint hollow/she says he's here to stay/not here today gone tomorrow/follow/she couldn't risk the sorrow/so when they said it wasn't happenin'/she said she wasn't havin' it/was adiment/began rappin to the captain/and asked to spare that rod spoil her child/actin if/that doc aint said shit to the effect of/imminent death or at the very least birth defects/she gave it less stress/and it began to hurt less/because she knew who was on her side/emotional tears down her eyes/rejoiced joyful her baby boy was still alive/and then some/when that day did come/on the 14th day of the sun/in the middle of the coldest winter month/just minutes after ten/she said look at him/refers to me as Savion but calls me her special one/
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    Verse2
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    Age : 36
    Location : blackwood,NJ

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    Post by Verse2 Fri Sep 11, 2009 10:08 am

    not bad everybody...

    Biggs:

    u had some pretty personal bars n there...i like dat...rappers don't get n2 demselves dat deep...typically cuz dey kno other rappers won't and everything u put out when battle time comes...people got personal stuff 2 get atchu...da cheap shots...plus some people jus str8 feel like dat ain't none of ya buissiness...lol...but it was pretty good...


    but imagine how she felt inside/
    as the doc explained/for him to rid the pain/
    your kid would most certainly DIE/
    that pill gets hard to swallow/
    when you aint hollow/
    she says he's here to stay/
    not here today gone tomorrow/
    follow/
    she couldn't risk the sorrow/
    so when they said it wasn't happenin'/
    she said she wasn't havin' it/


    those were my fave lines...my main flaw with it...is jus da not press~n enter...i use 2 b jus like u....believe me...it was da way i wrote too...and u couldn't tell me nuff...but da thing about dis site or any "text" site is...that this maybe the way u write and understand it...but 2 someone else...with say a lower reading level or whatever...plus there's the fact dat the words jus seems meshed 2gether...and jus reading side 2 side kinda makes it choppy...when u mess up gotta keep stopping 2 get da flow 2 it again...which takes away from da point of it...so write~n like dat is fine when u're the only 1 to read it...but on text sites itz best 2 press enter..i'm trynna say dat da right way...cuz i've had 1 person say they liked da title of my jawn...but bcuz it was structured like urz he said he wasn't gon read it til i changed it...lol...letz jus say i never changed it...i don't really like people tell~n me how 2 format my shit...lol...but still i'm da 1 dat lost out...cuz i wanted crit...but wit stuff like dat i'm stubborn...dats why i hoped i said dat right...jus try and press enter after each line...or jus try and do it at da end when your done...itz actually pretty quick...you'd b surprised...lol

    stay up and keep doin ya thing



    Real:

    Is it Angelo’s angels on a ceiling that leave us believing
    Or the cherished stone angels, in the plaza, never breathing

    Do we find ourselves reading, pleading with the scriptures and His word
    Are we content to listen to what cannot be heard
    Ah, religion you show such variance and flow
    To confide in your teachings, to have that sense of “know”
    Preach to the high heavens of your grandeur and greatness
    Void of all blasphemy, minus the fakeness
    So take this


    ^ loved the flow 2 dem...keep doin whatchu do...cuz u're great at it...which u already kno...so anything i add would kinda b pointless...lol


    PatroX:

    With time spent after emptying of the womb/
    Left trembling in his shoes/
    Knowing eventually/ he'll be another memory to lose/

    His dark half/ barks back/
    Reminding him that he's apart of the chard batch

    'Cause he knows all your hideous secrets/
    An element oblivious/ to acheivment/
    That no modern day medicine/ or good intention sentiments/
    Can relinquish

    ^i loved those lines...flow was smooth...and didn't seem forced...and loved ya use of vocab...and i even like how u left it off with da question mark...dat actually was pretty genius...dat way the person who read it...would feel u ask~n em how they felt about their religion....and would feel compelled 2 write sumth~n...giving u a better chance of feed back n da midst of dat...dat was real smooth...keep doin ya thing brotha...u got promise and talent

    like i said everybody keep up da good work...everything n here was good


    ***CHEAAA***

    lol

    ghosttt
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    SpitItReal27
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    Posts : 76
    Join date : 2009-05-28

    Feast day of St. Barbara Empty Re: Feast day of St. Barbara

    Post by SpitItReal27 Fri Sep 11, 2009 2:56 pm

    To Biggs: No doubt, a moving piece.. gotta be with my main man on the structure though --- I'm not gonna tell you to change it, but it will make your writing much stronger and more cohesive --- as aspiring writers, we have to stay true to ourselves, but we also have to keep the audience in mind as well. Love the story line and how you gave it that real flavor to it... you definitely made me sympathize and made me FEEL.... it takes alot for mere words to be able to do that, so congrats. Very Nice.

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